Understanding Someone with Mental Health

For years I didn’t know I had MH concerns, I was unaware that what I thought and how I reacted to things were potential signs of an underlying issue.

The truth is most people with MH are unaware, and believe that they are just like everyone else, but for some reason find it more difficult.

The truth is that a bit like some one with an addiction, the first step that the person with MH needs to do is accept or confirm that there is an MH issue. Many of the fellow MH sufferers I have talked to describe a feeling of relief or disbelief when they received their diagnosis, quickly followed by concern, worry and on occasions fear of what this will mean for them going forward.

As such if you believe that someone you know has MH concerns, you are in a similar position to if you believe some one has an addiction issue, now it must be said the same person may raise both concerns as the addiction issue may be the current mechanic the person is using to manage their MH. But not all MH sufferers have addiction issues and not all addicts have mental health issues. This is not a case of all cats are mammals but not all mammals are cats. This is more a both cats and dogs are mammals and being mammals need similar things, or have similar traits.

The truth is that until the person who has MH concerns is ready to tackle them, there is very little that anyone can do. There is no point undertaking an intervention, for some MH sufferers that may work, but for others it may just result in them cutting of access to the support they potentially rely on.

I know it is frustrating and difficult to watch some one you care about doing dangerous or erratic things, you can suggest they talk to a professional, but if they are not ready to interact then there is little that the professional can do to help.

The big thing is once they start to get help, be there to offer support, by this I don’t mean take over and control them. For an addict or MH sufferer to improve they need to own their problem, and feel in control of their treatment and feel empowered in the process. Remember many of those with MH are high functioning and potentially have become very good at hiding or obfuscating there problems, if they feel cornered they will not engage and there fore will not take control and move to improve.

I do have to say that everything that has just been said, is true about any interaction with any person on any subject. When you desire a person to change an action, it is always best to provide them with the reasoning and only when they are ready to change will they.

I suppose what I am really saying is, think how would I feel if some one did this to me..

Danger phrases- if you ever catch yourself thinking these in order to justify what you are about to do – stop – this is not helping this is subtle mental coercion and bullying

• Its for their own good – really is it? Or are you doing it to make you feel better, that you are doing something to help rather than feeling helpless.
• Its what they should do – if the person is not ready to do it, then it is not what they SHOULD do but rather what you think they should do, and as such it is not right for them at that time.
• Its what they need to do – normally when someone says this- they are actually saying this is what I need them to do to make it easier for me.
• I was trying to help – this is usually accompanied by “When I did xyz and interfered” – ask if the MH person wants you to help by doing that – listen to what they say.. they may actually need you to back off and give them space to get things sorted for themselves.
• Do this for your Parents/the Children/me – this is plain and simple emotional blackmail, getting a sufferer to get treatment for anyone but them will not work. They will engage for the wrong reasons, and will not get the help they need. They will instead try to do what is needed to pass the tick box exercise and get themselves out of it.
• IF you don’t … then I’ll – threats and ultimatum’s generally will just force the MH sufferer to withdraw further and not get the help they need.

Yes some one with MH actually needs to be selfish in order to get well. They need to put their needs first and take the actions required to get them better. I believe this is also true with addicts.

Some one who owns their improvements will be able to better handle trigger situations, the problem of cutting a MH sufferer off from their triggers is that they will not be able to deal with them in the future if they return. MH sufferers, Addicts and Abuse victims all have different but similar needs for their improvement. Again not all Addicts or abuse victims end up with long term MH issues, but I believe often the first signs of the issue is the development of MH issues. In these cases to improve the MH the original underlying issue needs to be identified and dealt with, then the visible MH issue can be controlled.

The blog below is another sufferers explanation of toxic relationships and provides some good support numbers and lines

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/blog/toxic-shadow-emotional-abuse

It is sad to say sometimes a person has to hit rock bottom before they can rebuild themselves. Some are lucky and are able to catch themselves before they hit rock bottom, others need to hit it in order to accept the things they are struggling with.

It is also true that for many, the MH cycle repeats and potentially it may take them multiple runs through the cycle before they manage to take control of it. They are not weak, they are not lazy, they are just not at the right time and place to move forward.